Valentine’s day

I am not a fan of this “Hallmark Holiday”!

For starters I can’t really eat out and don’t like these fancy date night spots!

• I had this boyfriend that took me to a fancy french restaurant and I remember looking at the menu and DYING seeing ESCARGO!!!!! The menu was selected by the chef and I ate nothing on it, I felt so bad.
• People don’t understand that food affects IBD! I am might seem picky, but I know that my safe foods keep me SAFE!
• One bite can send me into a sweaty, painful mess! Who wants to spend the rest of this date night in a bathroom!??! Really sexy?!?!

I can’t eat candy! I do not have the self-control to eat just once piece! – I eat the whole bag and then get sick!

I also do not need any more stuffed animals!!

Bottom line, I know I sound like a horrible cynical person! I just have so many horrible memories of this holiday!

I feel like it just promotes sex and being sexy for your man. I personally, don’t feel sexy most days, if any! I feel the pressure to do things I didn’t feel like or honestly didn’t want to.

When I was married, I remember the year I got my port placed- 2014. We had just gotten married a few months before and I bought this lingerie outfit- I felt good in it but my horrible scar and rash was just making me feel ashamed.

I remember the whole time at dinner, I was dreading that night. I just had my port placed maybe a week before and was still having issues moving my neck and had a severe allergic reaction. I had expressed this to him, but he didn’t seem to care or understand, hence why we are not married anymore!

As a 22-year-old, I felt trapped and defective. How could a newlywed wife not want to be with her husband?!?! I have learned that I was not these things, but at the time this was my thought process.

That night I remember crying when he kissed me, because of the pain I was in. I know he was upset with me and that just added to my guilt and pain. This early on into the marriage started a lot of resentment, a blog post for another day!

Ultimately, I think people should express their love to whoever every day! I do not think it needs to be on a certain day that promotes, cards, candy, and sex!

This year I will be watching movies with my daughter and enjoy being happy! I hope everyone feels loved in some way and doesn’t feel pressured in any way!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

-XO,