Not even a week after my friend died, my daughters father had to have emergency surgery. This meant walking though the halls that I was VERY familiar with for my friend. I had to come up with words to say at her funeral and be there for him. I always amaze myself with the level of strength I have and this was one of those moments I see it looking back today. I was there no questions asked and didn’t even stop to think how hard this was going to be.

It wasn’t until I was walking out at around two in the morning when I realized I was on the cardiac floor. This hospital like many, I am sure just put people in bed and not on a floor that pertains to why they are there. Anyway, being it was heart month , the floor was decorated with facts and decorations. I still hadn’t even began to think of not walking through these halls to wait or see her. I was never gonna sort through candy, or hear Bravo on a TV. I wasn’t going to to disarm an angry IV pump before the nurses got back and chuckle when they thought they might have lost their mind. I was there for my daughters father and took the day at a time approach to heart, for once.

Just two days later was the funeral and I was taken back to be with the family. I was so shocked that she and her family had viewed me liked this. Once the service started, I lost it and her family member, who I think was her aunt was holding my hand and just being there for me. It was also a huge crowd at her funeral, EMS, police, firefighters, and tons of family and friends. I was so nervous about what I had written because I had some jokes and somethings that only a few would understand. I did not want to cry because I was proud of what I had to say and wanted everyone to hear it and I got through it. I was shaky for a second but I knew I could do it. After I was done I lost it, again, and it was so cathartic. I had so many people come up to me after thanking me for my words and one person really understood exactly what I meant with my words and that was such a powerful thing. To know my words hit someone else the same way they did me. It also shows that person lost a person that meant a whole lot to them and I told her I too was sorry for her loss. She did tell me that it doesn’t really ever get any easier to brace myself and I try, am trying.

-XO,

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