I have said this OVER and OVER again, cooking is a huge passion of mine. I love expressing myself in my meals.

Living with a chronic illness, I have developed this love/ hate relationship with food. Cooking used to seem like a chore to keep me from getting sick.

I think the moment I stopped looking at food as a chore and more as body fuel, it clicked.

Food’s sole purpose is to fuel us. I had so many negative views on this “body fuel”. I was depriving my body and honestly, punishing it for these trivial misdirected feelings.

– I want to highlight that I have done several rounds of Whole 30, but do not agree with it. I have learned that depriving my “sugar dragon” unleashes binge eating episodes. I think restricting what I eat makes me want it more and leads me to fail. It starts this cycle of feeling like a failure for wanting homemade honey mustard dressing, ( honey is not allowed during a round. I like mixing brown mustard and pure honey, to make a dressing or sauce.) The thought is that honey contains sugar it is still feeding that urge and harmful bacteria that thrives of sugar, keeping you in that cycle. For my mental health, I have learned in moderation it is safe!

I know have a little one watching EVERYTHING I do. She is the most observant, smart, and curious little one. ( I am biased) She is already facing her obstacles and I am in awe of her ability to handle and adapt. While it has not been diagnosed just yet, we have seen signs of Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism. She is in the process of being evaluated and is receiving speech and occupational therapy.

One of her biggest hurdles is her relationship with food. At 2 months, we discovered she had a milk protein allergy. then at 9 months, we had an allergic reaction to soy. These allergies led to testing in a hospital setting to see if there was an anaphylactic reaction. after so many trials and errors, it affects her well-being.

Adding the food allergies with the sensory processing is a nightmare. she will chew food, then spit it out. There are some items that she won’t even look at! I try so hard to display it in a fun way and it has been a task.

I say all this to share that this made my love for the kitchen even stronger. I love having my daughter in the kitchen with me. She loves to add my ingredients and stir. I think adding her into my experience is teaching her a positive skillset. It is also giving us something special to share.

I think food plays a role in our social lives but if you can start it off with the expectation to use it as fuel, it could set the precedent to not be used emotionally. Food gathers people it brings us to the same space and brings comfort. I know I have looked at certain dishes to feel those memories and feelings back. I try to convince myself that eating my grandmother’s tuna salad will bring her back, or bring back the feeling of eating it with her kitchen out of the green container she kept it in. There is a difference between keeping that memory alive and overeating unhealthy items to fill that void or loss. Then after you eat, you expect to feel whole or complete and realize you don’t. So, you keep eating because you are not listening to your body cues just the gaping hole you feel.

Asking yourself, “Why do you want this?” or “Why do I want a second plate”? makes sure you are cognitively knowing why you are thinking you want it. Making sure you eat your meals throughout the day helps. Water also plays a role in this. Thirst can feel a lot like hunger. If I was able to identify these factors earlier in life, it might not have led me to many binge episodes and let me explore the why.

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– XO,