This was a lot easier to share in a video then it has been to write down. I feel like every time I put I tried to put it into words I started to cry or my anxiety got worse.

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During this time, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how unfair life can be. I am so afraid to die or being sicker than I am. I have so much I want to do and see. I want to see my daughter grow up and experience all this with her. I can not lie with y’all and say I have been positive. I have been in the worst case scenario mentality. I think until I know more this will be how I handle this. I am just tired to have constant bad news and always trying to find the good in any situation I have to face!

Everyone asks me if i feel any pain in neck and my answer seems ridiculous but, I always said “ I don’t know”!

I try to explain that I don’t think about it- I am afraid to and I have things I need to get through day to day. I am the kind of person who worries non stop and my aniexty will consume me. So, if I don’t think then I don’t notice.

I also deal with so much pain and have been sick for so long that I honestly don’t even notice when things get bad. I just start to accept the discomfort as normal. I know other spoonies can relate to this. I just deal with it and do my best to wear my mask! People forget how sick I really am when I act “normal” I just know my bullshitting skills are AMAZING!

Putting all jokes aside, I hate when people worry about me. I then start to worry and it it just not good. I try to keep some things to myself and how I feel day to day is one of them. If people think I am doing good, looking and acting normal then let them have that image of me. I don’t want people to constantly see me as sick. I want them to have hope for the good days. It is one less thing I need to worry about!

– XO,