July is always an interesting month for me. It brings up a lot got me. It is the month I got diagnosed with Crohn’s and it seems to be the month of boyfriends past birthdays! The Fourth of July also brings up a moment that is with me every day. The scars on my face!

I am not sure if you have even realized they are there, but I sure do! It was from a flesh-eating bacteria. had been a friend’s pool doing flips and tricks and went back home. When I woke up the next day I had a red rash forming by the right eye and thought it was strange. Since I was a kid, I told my parents and they just kept an eye on it. We were going out of town to see my cousin who had been drafted to the majors play with his farm team in Tennessee. When I woke up with the rash again my mom took me to a walk-in clinic to get it checked on before we left the state. The doctor saw me and from across the room said I had gotten into some poison Ivy and gave me a cream for it. I was kind of confused because I don’t typically play in leaves or would have known that I might have been in contact with it.

Well, we left for Tennessee and I applied the cream. The next day when I woke up my eye was super swollen and the rash grew and was now on my nose. I looked like a monster. My eye had swollen, and I was looking all kinds of rough around all the supper cute baseball guys!!

My dad bought me a hat to keep the sun off my face. It was a green sprite hat! I remember that night the Fourth of July I started feeling sick and my parents rushed me to the local ER.  As I sat in an ER with firework injuries I was really scared and worried, this was before I had really spent any time in a hospital. When the doctor looked at me, he was surprised and worried! He knew it was flesh-eating bacteria and said I could have lost my eye if I had let it go any longer. He gave me several shots and sent me with an antibiotic.

As it started to heal it scabbed. I had a huge red mark on my eye, nose, and lip. It was a giant remember of the doctor that didn’t even look at me and just gave me a cream that caused it to spread. I was so angry and now embarrassed about how I looked. As if high schoolers didn’t have enough to worry about! My parents looked at getting me plastic surgery and I remember at the consult appointment they told me the skin they would use on my face would have come from my BUTT!!! As a kid could not get over that and turned it down. After years of creams, vitamins, and special makeup to try to cover it up I have now honestly just come to terms with it. It still hits a spot that brings up insecurities, but it could have been a lot worse.

Some people tell me that they didn’t even notice it until I pointed it out and I am just so shocked by this! In my head, it is like what are you staring at that you don’t notice the tip of my nose missing!!!

Today in 2020 I have so many more scars, some are more visible than others. Some I have chosen to add tattoos around to remind me of my battles, but they are just a testament of strength. A strength that only comes when we are faced with things that are out of our control. Scars can leave behind visible reminders and in a sense scar us mentally and emotionally. I will always remember the feeling of hiding my face and the looks I got in that short time with my eye swollen shut and living with the scabs. I thought it was NEVER going to fade but in time they did. It shows me that in the long run things don’t seem as bad as they do at the moment.

XO-