I have been missing, MIA, for a few weeks, over a month, after doing so GOOD! But as life has it I got some horrible news. My best spoonie friend of over 12 years passed away.
She died just shy of her 29th birthday. I was on my much needed Disney trip when I just happened to be on Facebook checking in with reality and I saw something that just hit me in the GUT, on her sisters profile. I started calling everyone, her sister, her phone, her mom and then another family friend and she confirmed my worst fear. My friend had died. I had just spoken to her…Thursday and she died Friday night….
If there was anyone who understood everything it was her. We were always there for each other, during all the hospital stays, surgeries, and procedures. We both shared this love for Disney. I honestly think we both loved it so much because we both got to be normal, not sick and could push and get lost in that Disney magic. Its just hard and tough that I found out there.
When I got back home I honestly didn’t know how to function. I was so sad and just in shock I didn’t even know what to think. I felt so lost and just afraid of what was next. What would happen when I needed to talk or was in the hospital?! What happened when I needed more port supplies? I am still overwhelmed with emotion That am tearing up just thinking about all this. I was asked to speak at the funeral by her husband. He said some of the kindest things to me about how she felt about me and it is something I will remember for ever.
I have watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy (EVERY EPISODE) and I have been able to understand what Meredith meant by Christina Yang was her person. they understood each other more than their spouses or parents. I really think she was my person I just figured it out a tad to late. I also understood Meredith whole spinning carousel sense with her mom and Richard news! It is exactly what I was looking at when I got the news and everything was spinning with it and I think every time I look back and when I found out I will see everything spinning with all the lights.
The loss of my friend will be something I will carry with me forever. I try so hard to remember the times when she was alive and all we went through but all I feel is fear for that moment when I need her in the years to come. Now that I have this off my chest it doesn’t feel any better. I am the kind of person to typically put things internally and just deal with it or try to but here we are a month later and I am still at a loss of words…
RIP- Victoria
-XO,
My Gut Reaction 